I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
