I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
