I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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