I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
