cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
