Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
