On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We are all done wearing pants today
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
