Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
