He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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