Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
