He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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