Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
