He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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