did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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