Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
