I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
