The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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