I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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