Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
