one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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