but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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