just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
