don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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