Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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