life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
