I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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