guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
