My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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