Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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