Nicole vs. Life
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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