So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
