Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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