and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
