all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
