I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
