Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
