so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
