I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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