Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
