just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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