Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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