You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
