based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
