remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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