just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
