I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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