Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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