I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
