you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
