oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
